


He can never know

by Kaya4114



Series: The VR-Verse [1]
Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, As far as Shane knows anyway, M/M, One Shot, Part of something much larger that I may or may not write and post at a later date, Trapped in a video game, Unrequited Crush
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-07
Updated: 2019-03-07
Packaged: 2019-11-13 05:37:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,087
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18025724
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kaya4114/pseuds/Kaya4114
Summary: Shane reflects on his feelings while stuck in an MMO with Ryan with no foreseeable way out.





	He can never know

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Mystlin Migration](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16843114) by [Kaya4114](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kaya4114/pseuds/Kaya4114). 



> Hey all. This was a one-shot I wrote for my longer fic Mystlin Migration that I reworked into a Shyan one-shot instead. I want to eventually rework the novel and finish it, but I figured since this won't be going into it when I eventually do, I may as well turn it into something cool. Let me know if you want to see more of this 'verse.

Sometimes, I like to sit and watch him train.   He always looks so focused.. Like he’s calculating some sort of plan..  
  
The way his raven hair seems to begin to stand on end a little, as the energies around him crackle and you can just barely see the light glow emitting from his body.  
  
I like that..  
  
We’ve been here for, what… 4 months now?  Still not even a hint or a sign we are approaching the end of this game..  Heh.. Sometimes it’s hard to remember we’re in a game at all.  
  
It seems like it was only a dream long ago when I had put on my headset to hear his voice chime over Skype, “Alright big guy, let's see what this new VR tech can do!”  
  
…And then we were here.  
  
Well.. I was here– and he was.. elsewhere?..  I'm glad we found eachother's location before nightfall.  
  
As Ryan casts a ring of fire around him self I begin to reminisce.  
  
I wonder how Aleena is doing…  
  
Ebora I would guess is around fifty miles off Alumawyn Woods, and Vindius another ten from the entry point.. The forest its self being about forty miles  in any direction give or take.   If we were to go visit her, it would take us about a week on mount.  
  
I shake my head, yet smile in spite of my self.  No.. We don’t have any time for that. The Dark Lord’s forces have been moving around a lot lately, and we’re more needed here right now than anywhere else.   We’ll just have to hope that Vindius is alright for now.  
  
Ryan casts a fireball at one of the stationary targets we set up over the last week. My eyes glint  with a twinge of envy.  
  
I wish I was that powerful. To be able to wield fire and ice at my will, without a blade to aid me.   He has no idea how strong he really is.  Or how brave.  Perhaps it's because he knows this is a game.  A far cry from the supposed ghosts that haunt the real world.  I would argue that this is scarier.  Never knowing if we're going to make it out.  Or what happens if we lose this game.  His strength goes farther than just his muscles.  
  
Ironcially, the other night, he called me the muscle of our little team.  Told me I was his rock and that he wouldn’t be where he is without me.  Perhaps it was because I took up the phyisical damage roll, but he could also have been talking about Unsolved.  None the less, he "wouldn't be where he is without me..." He said it with a smile on his face, and I know he meant it in good will… but I suppose that’s true in more ways than one..  It was my fault we wound up here in the first place. I was the one who suggested the damn cursed (quite litterally apparently) VR game system.  
  
But really, it’s his strength that keeps me going.  I can’t let him fall into despair.  Not like those first few nights… God his tears… The poor guy... I promised to get us out of here, and I swear to whatever gods this game has, I will.  
  
Then maybe things will go back to the way they were before..  
  
…And I wont have to feel like this…  
  
Ryan casts me a look, his trademark smirk on his face.   I smile back in admiration, yet I can’t bring my self to say anything.  
  
It hurts, you know.  
  
When you long for someone so much, yet are forced to be silent.  You have to endure every day in their presence, without them catching an inkling of it in any way.  
  
It’s ok though..I long since made peace with my self about it, sure.. But it still hurts.  
  
The first few nights here were the worst.    
  
Some time on our journey through the woods, we ended up with only one sleeping quarter in the little log cabin.   I had grown accustom to his presence beside me and I think a little part of him missed sleeping next to a warm body him self.  
  
It started off as sharing the space-- Nothing unusual considering some of our work locations --But what began as convinience quickly turned into something a little more.. What would you call it?  Friendlier?  
  
So when we eventually made it to Ebora, the trade off from the small cots and tiny beds, to the large extravagant inns we stayed at left me with a large feather bed to my self…  and no warm body to cuddle up to.  
  
It took a while before I could sleep again.  
  
Ryan begins to throw ice daggers at the bulls eyes set up in the branches of the four trees around us.    He hits them dead on.. his eyes are glowing blue like the sea..  A contrast to the usual dark pools he normally sports... I wonder how it would be to stare into them directly…  
  
It’s maddening sometimes to think the one person you count on happens to be the one person you’ve lusted after harder than any woman ever to be in your presence.    Damn this game for making me realize what kind of a person he is..  Not that I didn’t see it before.. But it wasn’t like this.  
  
His laugh is infectious.    He actually smiles more now.   Hell, he isn’t even afraid to tell me what’s on his mind if I ever ask anymore, though a lot of the time I’m still afraid to.  
  
I don’t know how I would feel if he were to confess about how much he misses his girlfriend.   I can see it in his face, he’s lonely.    
  
God those nights at Widows Point…  He actually let me hold him.   I can tell he misses her.. but ..  I just like to pretend that it’s me he thinks about.     Selfish, I know..  But I never claimed to be a white knight anyways.  Maybe the demon monicure the internet bestowed upon me isn't that inaccurate after all.  
  
I miss those nights..  
  
As time continues to pass, I will continue to harbor this secret.   He doesn’t have to know.  No one does.  When this is all over, and we go back to what was before, he and I will be closer friends regardless of anything else.  
  
For that I am grateful.  And for that, I keep silent.  
  
My pain is only for me.  
  
And he can never know.


End file.
